A Boy and His Mom is Now Cathy Unfiltered

So its official, A Boy and His Mom is now Cathy Unfiltered.

A Boy and His Mom will always be near and dear to my heart but I felt it was time for a change.  As the years have passed, not only have the boy and I evolved, what I want for this blog has evolved as well.

When I started the blog, the boy was young and just a couple of years into school and was often eager to participate with my blog.  Now, he’ll be a teenager in just a few months and we all know what teenagers can be like.  This is not to say, I won’t be talking about him or including him, the focus won’t be on “the boy”.

My focus will be more on my challenges and joys of dealing with a teenager.  I will also be focusing on my physical and mental health and wellness.  And included in all of that, any Mom hacks I have and recipes to make meal times easier.

If you followed me up to this point, these topics will probably not seem too far off from what I was blogging about before.  But truth be told, a lot of times I felt I needed to write more of what I thought people wanted to hear and less of what I actually wanted to say.

I worried about what people would think or say.  Not that I can’t take criticism or negative feedback, but I didn’t want it to reflect negatively on me as a Mom or a parent.   At the beginning of 2020, I had been struggling with depression and anxiety and that played a huge part on this negative thinking.  Luckily right before COVID changed the world, I took steps to change this.

And Cathy Unfiltered is changing now as well.  It will be a more honest and open conversation.  What I really think about things and what is really going on behind the screen….unfiltered, authentic.

Sometimes when people hear the word unfiltered, they think rude, crude, and obnoxious.  That is not what Cathy Unfiltered is going to be.  It is going to just be me….real, honest and vulnerable.

I am so glad you have been a part of my journey thus far and hope you continue to follow and watch me grow.

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5 Things I Have Learned About Blogging

It’s hard to believe that I have been blogging now for 5 years.  Some days I feel like I know what’s going on but a lot of the days I still feel like such a newbie. But here are 5 things that I definitely learned along the way.

1. Blogging Is A LOT of Work.

 Blogging is definitely a lot more work than it seems.  I don’t know how many times I heard people saying they want to get into blogging so they can get all the free stuff.  If only it were that easy.   There is a lot of planning, writing, editing, emailing, negotiating and pitching that goes into any sponsored post.  And then for the non-sponsored posts, it’s still a lot of planning, writing and editing. And after all that is done, it’s all about engagement.  You need to respond to comments left on your posts but also, like, comment and engage with others. 

I’ve often heard people say they can’t understand how people make it their full time job. There is no doubt in my mind it could be a full time job.  Even with my little blog, I sometimes struggle trying to juggle it and my full time job.

2. You’ll Make Some Great Friends.

This is my favorite thing about blogging, the friendships I have made.  The best part is some are local so we were able to meet in person and form even stronger friendships. I know this will sound cliche but I feel like I have a community of friends now that understand the ups and downs of the industry. They can relate to things that I am going through and bounce things off each other.  

3. Social Media vs Reality

Don’t get me wrong, I love engaging with others and getting to know people on social media.   But you’ve seen those posts about Social Media vs Reality? Well …. not everyone is who they appear to be on those tiny little squares.  They aren’t always the ray of sunshine or the #babesupportingbabes that they preach on their feed.  Let’s be honest, in the blogging world, it can be a bit of a numbers game and some will do whatever it takes to get said numbers. I’ve seen friendships fall apart and social media wars raged because of this.

4. Blogging Can Play Tricks On Your Mind

When you are working your butt off to increase your following and not seeing the results you want, it can play with your confidence.  You see others that started out the same time as you did now having a following of 2,3 or 4 times more than you, can make you wonder if you’re good enough for this job.  Self doubt can really play a number on you.  But if you remember that regardless of your numbers, there are people that really enjoy your content, it reminds of why you started it in the first place.  

5. Change Is Ok

Sometimes when you first start blogging, you think you know exactly what you want to do and how you want it to look.  But over the years, you blog/social media will evolve and you may want to push it in an entirely new direction, change your logo, change your name to make it more cohesive to the person you are now.  There is nothing wrong with that.  Your followers are probably evolving in their own lives and a lot of them will probably be going through similar changes too.  So go for it!  If you stick with something that you can no longer relate to or have lost a passion for, it’s going to be really hard to convince others you still do.

So after these 5 years, I have grown a lot as a blogger but am looking forward to the next 5 years to see how things will grow and change.  I hope you will follow along too.

Smashed Brussels Sprouts with Lime Yogurt Sauce

Who would have thought I would ever be excited about Brussels sprouts?  Who knew that they were actually called “Brussels” and not just “Brussel”?  I was today years old when I learned that.

I love trying new recipes, especially one serving recipes.  I have a much more adventurous palate than the boy, so I like trying new recipes when he is at his Dads.  However, I find most recipes feed 4 or more, and I either end up eating leftovers for days, or wasting a lot if I don’t end up enjoying it.

I happened across this recipe on a TikTok by Halle Burns and decided to give it a try.   Brussels sprouts are one my favorite veggies, so her recipe looked so good.  One thing I liked about it,  it was enough for one meal or two side dishes.

After a few tries and tweaks, I had a recipe that loved and will be making quite often. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do!

 

• 3 cups Brussels Sprouts
• 1/4 cup olive oil
• 1 tbsp pure maple syrup
• 1 tbsp soy sauce
• 1 tbsp minced garlic
• 1 tbsp sriracha sauce or hot sauce of choice
• 2 tbsp plain greek yogurt
• 2 tbsp fresh lime juice

1. Preheat oven to 450°
2. Steam or boil Brussel sprouts until tender
3. 
4. In a medium size mixing bowl, combine oil, maple syrup, soy sauce and garlic
5. 
6. Once Brussels Sprouts have cooked, strain them and pat dry with paper towel.
7. Toss sprouts in sauce mixture until well covered
8. 
9. Place sprouts on baking sheet and then “smash” them with the bottom of a glass.
10. 
11. Pour any remaining sauce over the smashed sprouts.
12. Cook at 450° for 25 minutes or until crispy
13. While the Brussels Sprouts are cooking, mix together the yogurt and lime juice together in a small bowl.
14. 
15. Once the sprouts are cooked and plated, pour yogurt sauce over the sprouts.
16. 
17. Enjoy!

Maple Syrup Time In York Durham Headwaters Region

It’s everything maple starting this weekend! Bring your family out for a day at the sugar shack and see an authentic maple syrup operation. There are wagon rides, demonstrations, maple trails, pancakes, bonfires and fun for all ages.

For more information on upcoming events in York Durham Headwaters please visit – https://yorkdurhamheadwaters.ca/events/

Some recommend Maple Syrup destinations in York Durham Headwaters include:

Willowtree Farm

Weekends in March
Farm opens at 9 am
Tours to the sugar bush: 10-3 pm
First tour to the bush leaves at 10am
Last tour to the bush leave at 2:30pm
Includes:
• Wagon Ride to the Sugar Bush
• Sugar Bush Tours
• Evaporator Demos and Sap/Syrup Sampling

Bonfire and Roasted Marshmallows
Branded Tree Cookie
Pancake Breakfast!
Farm animals
Lots of Maple Products available in store and lots of sampling of delicious products!!

Willowtree Farm
975 Regional Road 21
Durham, Port Perry, Scugog (Port Perry)

 

Brooks Farms Maple Syrup Festival

Open Weekends and March Break beginning March 7, 2020 Includes:
• Train or Wagon Ride
• Self Guided & Guided Educational Tours
• Camp Fire in Sugar Bush • Colouring Station
• Maple Sugar Products
• Indoor Pancake House
• Barnyard Playland

Brooks Farms
122 Ashworth Road
Durham, Mount Albert, Uxbridge

 

Horton Tree Farm maple Syrup Festival

Saturday, March 14th, 2020 at 9 AM Ends Sunday, March 15th, 2020 at 4 PM Includes:
• sugar shack
• pancakes

Horton’s Home Farm
5924 Slaters Road
York, Stouffville, Whitchurch-Stouffville

 

Bruce’s Mill Sugarbush Maple Syrup Festival

Saturday, March 14th, 2020 at 9 AM Ends Sunday, March 22nd, 2020 at 5 PM Includes:
• Demonstrations
• wagon rides & activites
• pancakes
• Treewalk Village

Bruce’s Mill Conservation Area
3291 Stouffville Rd
York, Stouffville, Whitchurch-Stouffville

 

PC Farms Maple Syrup Festival

Saturday, March 14th, 2020 at 9 AM Ends Sunday, March 22nd, 2020 at 5 PM Includes:
• wagon rides
• taffy, pancakes and locally sourced sausages

• activities for young and old
• tours of the maple operation
• Tapping tours

• nature hikes
• Horse drawn wagon rides
• Self guided hike
• scavenger hunt
• Nature crafts and face painting

Pefferlaw Creek Farms
12300 Concession 6
Durham, Uxbridge

 

Kortright Center for Conservation/ Sugarbush Maple Syrup Festival

Saturday, March 14th, 2020 at 9:30 AM Ends Sunday, March 22nd, 2020 at 5 PM includes:
• maple taffy on the snow!
• pancakes

• wagon rides
• Demonstrations
• live entertainment
• guided twilight tour of Kortright’s maple sugar bush.

Kortright Center for Conservation
9550 Pine Valley Dr
York

 

Sunderland Maple Syrup Festival

April 4 to April 5, 2020

Includes:

• maple syrup production
• local farming operations
• art shows
• bathtub races
• lawn tractor pulling
• delicious food

12925 Side Rd 18, Sunderland, ON

 

CVC Terra Cotta

Saturday, March 14, 2020 – Sunday, March 22, 2020

includes:

• syrup-making demonstrations
• live entertainment
• family-friendly activities
• taffy tasting
• pancakes

14452 Winston Churchill Blvd., Terra Cotta

 

Purple Woods Conservation Area, Maple Syrup Festival

March 13, 2020 to April 9, 2020

Includes:

• fireside maple syrup production demonstrations
• horse drawn wagon rides
• games
• crafts
• pancakes
• Children’s Activities
• Scavenger hunt
• Self-guided hikes through the sugarbush
• Warming Station – Cedar Tea
• Aunt Penny’s Cabin (Pioneer History)

38 Coates Rd E, Oshawa, ON L1H 7K4

Saying Goodbye to the February Blahs

There is the old saying that March will either come in like a lion and out like a lamb or the reverse. At this point, I really don’t care, I just want March come in so I can kick the February blahs to the curb. And of course, being a leap year, I’ve got an extra day of this stupid month.

Why was February so bad, you ask?  Let me first say it wasn’t anything dramatic or life altering, it was just a whole bunch of little annoyances that added up for me.  And historically February has always been the worst month for me.

Why? Here are just a few of the  reasons for the February blahs:

1.  Groundhogs Day – if that rodent doesn’t predict an early spring, it’s the threat of 6 more weeks of winter
2.  Valentines Day – a single person does not need to be constantly reminded they’re still single
3.  Lack of Vitamin D – it’s usually still dark when I wake up and getting dark when I’m done work
4.  Weather – it’s usually one of the coldest and grayest months of the year.
5.  Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) – although I have not been formally diagnosed, I suffer from many of the symptoms

I found this year particularly bad for some reason for the February blahs.  I’ve had no ambition and only made it to gym 2 times the entire month.  This has put a real damper on my training for the half marathon I am planning to run in May.  There was a total lack of creativity, hence I’ve haven’t had any blog posts this month.   I’ve been overly cranky and had very little desire to do anything I normally enjoy.  My symptoms of depression have been at an all time high.  It was to the point that I didn’t ignore it any longer that I sought help from my family doctor. (That will be a whole other blog post coming soon.) And of course, we are ending off the month with a nasty bug invading our home.  The boy had it really bad and I’m (fingers crossed) just fighting more of a cold.

I think it’s the weather in general that gets to me the most.  It’s tends to be the coldest month of the year, and the weather is often unpredictable and makes planning any sort of travel (even just across town) dodgy at best.  I’ve always gotten very anxious at the thought of driving in bad weather.  And I hate having to constantly adding 50 layers of clothes and boots and parkas just to go anywhere.  And we won’t even talk about my absolute hate for shoveling snow.

Don’t get me wrong, everything wasn’t bad this February.  Fran from The Hungry Homemaker and I launched our podcast The Sticky Table Chronicles.  We were super excited to launch this and I can’t wait to see how our vision for this project grows.  I spent good quality time with friends and had some much need full belly laughs but those February blahs just got to me.

Sure it still snows in March, and it even snows into April.  I know this because my birthday is in April and it always snows at least once after it.  But it’s just so much closer to spring, the warmer weather and we can finally shed all the bulky winter wear.

So peace out February and the February blahs, it’s been real.  I’m welcoming March with open arms.

Holiday Gifts Made Personal With Cricut

This is a sponsored conversation written by me on behalf of Cricut. The opinions and text are all mine.

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When it comes to holiday gifts, I always like to include something a little more personal.  Something that says to the person, that I really gave it some thought.  And that isn’t always easy.  But having my Cricut Maker, it definitely helps me in that category of holiday gifts.

Some people (like myself) don’t have big budgets when it comes to the holiday season, and adding that personal touch to a gift can take it to a whole new level of special for the receiver.

Having my Cricut Maker can allow to do so many different things, whether it be a personalized card, adding a monogram to an item,  engraving or embossing.  The possibilities are endless.

To help you add that personal touch to your holiday gifts this year, I’ve rounded up 25 gift ideas personalized with the help of Cricut to give you inspiration.  These ideas range from custom drawn t-shirts, to engraved bracelets, to monogrammed bags.  So many great ideas, you’ll be sure to find something for everyone on your holiday gifts list.

 

A Boy and His Mom – Personalized T-shirts and Totes

 

The Mommy Bunch – Christmas Cabin Reverse Canvas

 

Blue I Style – Reusable Monogram Gift Tags

 

Tried & True – Personalized Letter to Santa Wood Sign

 

Eclectic Momsense – Matching Family Pajamas

 

The Quiet Grove – Name Coasters

 

Housewife Eclectic – DIY Personalized Chemistry Set

 

The Small Stuff Counts – Monogram Makeup Bags

 

Hey, Let’s Make Stuff – Baking Set

 

Tastefully Frugal – Personalized Gift Basket

 

Sew Simple Home – Easy Personalized Kitchen Gift Set

 

Southern Couture – Personalized Christmas Tea Towels

 

Clarks Condensed – Baby’s First Christmas Ornaments

 

That’s What Che Said – Personalized Scarf and Gloves Gift Set

 

Polkadot Chair – Personalized Wood Christmas Sign

 

Laura’s Crafty Life – Engraved Charm Bracelet

 

Pineapple Paper Co. – Christmas Hostess Gift

 

Practically Functional – Personalized Grandparent Pillows

 

Someday I’ll Learn – Christmas Tea Towels

 

SparkleShinyLove – Easy Christmas Ornaments

 

Teacups and Things – DIY Socks with Sayings

 

Artsy Fartsy Mama – Personalized Christmas Eve Box

 

Today’s Creative Life – Holiday Pillows

 

Happiness Is Homemade – Rainbow Glitter Tumblers

 

See Kate Sew – Monogram Journals

 

 

Triple Oreo Cheesecakes – A Perfect Dessert

There are 2 things that the boy loves….Oreos and cheesecake.  So why not put the both together in these Triple Oreo Cheesecakes for one decadent dessert?

Why “triple” Oreo?  This recipe contains regular Oreos, Oreo crumbs and mini Oreos.  Can you ever have too many Oreos? Or too much cheesecake?  And hence, too much of Oreo cheesecakes? Of course not!

With the holidays just around the corner, these would make the perfect potluck dessert.

I’ve seen so many different Oreo flavors in stores these days, I am sure you could use any one of them in this recipe to add a little extra flavor to them.  My next round, I am going to try the mint Oreos and maybe add a 1/4 tsp of mint flavoring to the batter for some Triple Mint Oreo Cheesecakes.

Just a few tips here for this recipe:

• * Make sure you don’t over cook the filling.
• * Use full fat cream cheese.  The “lite” cream cheese gives it a weird consistency.
• * I can’t imagine them lasting this long without being eaten, but can be stored in refrigerator for up to a week.
• * If you have the silicone cupcake liners, use those.  I find the paper ones stick too much to the Oreo cheesecakes.
• * I haven’t tried making this as a single cheesecake instead of the individual ones, so I am not sure how the filling would set.
• * Oreos are school safe, so the kids could bring these in their snacks to school.

 

Tripe Oreo Mini Cheesecakes

If you love Oreos, imagine tripe the Oreos in this cheesecake recipe!

• 1 brick plain cream cheese (softened)
• 1/3 cup sugar
• 2 each eggs (separated)
• 1/4 cup Oreo cookie crumbs
• 2 bags snack size mini Oreos
• 12 each Oreos (whole)
• 5 each Oreos (broken into pieces)

1. Preheat oven to 350 F.

2. Place 1 whole Oreo in a liner in a cupcake pan

   

3. In a mixing bowl, beat the softened cream cheese with a mixer until no more lumps. Add in the sugar and the vanilla and continue beating until mixed. Add in the eggs, one at a time and continue beating.

4. Add the Oreo crumbs and broken pieces to mixture and combine with a spoon or spatula.

   

5. Add approx 2 tbsp of batter to each cupcake cup.

6. Top each mini cheesecake with 1 mini Oreo.

   

7. Bake for approximately 15 minutes until firm. Do not overcook.

8. Cool to room temp and then cool in refrigerator for a minimum 2 hours before enjoying!

   

Peanut Butter Chocolate Crispy Squares

With summer vacation just around the corner, and with kids constantly out and about, it’s always good to have some quick and easy snacks readily available.  I love these peanut butter chocolate crispy square recipe that I adapted from The Big Man’s World.

They are super easy to make and the peanut butter can easily be substituted for sunflower seed butter or any other nut style butter to accommodate any allergies.  And truth be told, with cereal/peanut butter combo, I have been known to justify them as a breakfast for myself once in a while.

What I love about this recipe, is you can easily modify it to cater to your dietary needs and allergies.  It’s very versatile and because most of the ingredients are something I have on hand at any given time, I can easily whip up a batch quickly.  My son is a huge white chocolate fan, so I think I’d like to give the recipe a go using white chocolate chips at some point.

One thing I do recommend is to keep these squares in the fridge when you are not serving them.  Depending on the peanut (nut/seed) butter that you use, the squares can become quite soft when left out.  But seriously who doesn’t love a good chocolate peanut butter combo and would let the go uneaten anyways?

 

• 4 cups Crispy Rice Cereal
• 1 cup Natural Peanut Butter ((Can substitute for sunflower seed butter, or any other nut butter))
• 1 1/2 cups chocolate chips
• 1/2 cup Maple Syrup
• 1/4 cup Coconut Oil
• 1 tsp vanilla

1. In a large bowl, add cereal and set aside
   
2. Add remainder of ingredients to medium size pot. Cook on low-medium heat until melted and smooth.
3. While the above is cooking, line a square pan with parchment paper.
4. Once the the chocolate peanut butter mixture is a smooth consistency, pour it over top the cereal and mix until completely covered.
5. Once mixed, pour into the parchment lined pan and spread evenly across the pan.
   
6. Chill in refrigerator for 2 hours or until set.
7. Once set, cut into squares and enjoy! I find it’s best to keep the squares refrigerated.
   

The EasyPress™ 2 and Motivating Workout Wear

This is a sponsored conversation written by me on behalf of Cricut. The opinions and text are all mine.

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I am sure most of us started off the year on fire and committed to keeping up those New Years resolutions about adopting a healthier lifestyle.  But if anyone is like me, as we are now into the middle of February and the weather is miserable all the time, I’m finding that motivating myself to keep the workouts going is getting harder and harder.

What does any of this have to do with my  Cricut EasyPress™ 2,  you ask?  Well,  to motivate myself, I decided to use my Cricut Maker and Cricut EasyPress™ to make myself some workout wear.  I find it a bit more motivating to workout when I have fun new gear to wear.

And when Cricut has so many different types of iron-on materials to choose from like holographic sparkle, glitter, patterned, etc., you can get really creative with all of your projects.   In the past I used just my iron and always worried about the having the correct temperature and pressure and the EasyPress™ makes things so much easier.

For this project, I decided to make a tank top that was not only fun but expressed my true feelings about certain workout moves.  It makes me smile and can be motivating when I know that I am not the only person that feels this way.

The supplies you need for this tank top are:

1. 1. Tank top of your choice
2. 2.  Holographic Sparkle iron-on in gold
3. 3.  Everyday Iron-on in white
4. 4.  Cricut Maker
5. 5.  Cricut EasyPress™2 or Iron
6. 6.  EasyPress Mat

STEP 1 – Create your logo in Cricut Design Space.

Using the tank top template allowed me to get a better idea of sizing and allocation of my Cricut iron-on.

For the font I used Cabarga Cursiva and the heart shape from the Basic Shapes.

STEP 2 – Prepare to Cut Your Design

Once you have your design looking the way you want it, it is time to get ready to print your logo with your Cricut Maker.  If you were printing everything in the same material, you would want to group everything so that the spacing remained the same as your design on screen.  Because I am using two different materials, I did not group the logo.  Therefore the text was ready to print on one mat and the heart on another.  Be sure to select the correct size mat you will be using and DO NOT FORGET to select Mirror On, so that your text will be properly cut on your Cricut Iron-On materials.

Always place the shiny or plastic looking side down on the mat so that the iron-on is cut and not the protective sheet.

Once the logo is cut, you will need to weed out all the Circut material that you will not be ironing on.

When I was weeding this project, I definitely wished that I had the Cricut Bright Pad to help me see my cut lines a bit better.  My aging eyes aren’t what they used to be.

STEP 3 – Prepare to Iron-on the heart

Be sure you have washed your tank top first without fabric softener.

Lay your tank top out on a flat surface so that you can now place the ready to iron on design.

I decided to place the heart shape design first, as it was the largest piece of the logo.  This would help me better space where the lettering would eventually go.

I then went to the Cricut EasyPress™ Interactive Quick Reference Guide to get the correct timings and settings I would need to use based on the materials I was using.  This is so incredibly helpful!  Do not forget to put your EasyPress Mat (or a towel) under your tank top to protect your table or hard surface.

STEP 4 – Prepare to Iron-on the text

After the heart shape was applied,  I then applied the text again using the reference guide and my EasyPress.    I had let the application of the heart completely cool before I applied text.  I made sure I covered the heart with the original protective sheet so that it was not damaged when using the EasyPress™ on the text portions.

STEP 5 – Finished project

Once you have removed the protective sheeting, your tank top is now ready to go.  You should always wait 24 hours to wear and wash your new design.

Hopefully it motivates you to keeps you on tract.  And yes, I really do not love burpees.

Local dining at it’s best at Bistro 67

Disclosure:  Although items in this post were provided to me, all opinions, comments are strictly mine.

There is nothing better than finding that local hidden gem of a restaurant that is close by and has the most amazing food.  I recently found that a Bistro 67.  Last Thursday, I joined a few of my favorite local bloggers for the Wine and Cheese night and was definitely not disappointed.  In fact, I am looking to go back there again soon.

Bistro 67 is located within Durham College’s award-winning W. Galen Weston Centre for Food (CFF).  Meals are prepared by students in the college culinary program and the food is either grown in their very own gardens or sourced locally in the Durham region.

The Wine and Cheese meal included a choice of Creekside white or red wine.  I am not a seasoned wine drinker but I thoroughly enjoyed the white and will be trying it again.  The cheese board included pickled beets, garlic scapes, a raspberry compote, a spicy feta just to name a few.  It came paired with the most amazing freshly made bread.  The Wine and Cheese Thursdays are held from 11am until 8pm includes 2 glasses of the wine for only $25 plus taxes.  An amazing meal high quality dinner for such an affordable night out price.

After we enjoyed almost every morsel, we took a tour of the gardens and were able to see the wide array of produce grown literally next door to the restaurant.  From fork to field in mere steps.

Upon our return to the restaurant, we were give a tour of the kitchen by Executive Chef Raul Sojo and were able to see where all the magic happens.  The students were very enthusiastic to welcome us and answer any questions that we had.

As we passed by this large pot of corn cooking, we were asked if we would like to have a sample once it was ready.  I was excited to have a taste of field fresh corn.  When it was brought out, it was topped with a chipotle aioli, lime, Feta, cilantro.  One word to describe it – amazing.  So many wonderful flavors in each bite.

And what is a meal without dessert?  We all shared a gluten-free cake that was delicious.  With bellies full and being treated to the most amazing service, we were sad to leave but vowed to return soon.  With harvest season upon us, I am looking forward to returning to see what the students create with the bounty from their gardens.

Bistro 67 has been rated as  a 3 Star Certified Green Restaurant and also holds a Feast ON designation in recognition of its use of local food and beverage. It is open Tuesday – Fridays for lunch and Tuesdays – Saturday for dinner and open year round not just during the school year.  Although reservations are not required, I would recommend making a reservation so that you aren’t disappointed.